Father Fury
by PonceIndustries
Summary: Coulson's alive! Wait, and he's married to Fury! They have children! A cute oneshot about Fury taking care of "the kids" while Coulson goes to get the grocceries. A little twist at the end. No slash, just for comedy purposes. AU of course! Oneshot


_**Disclaimers:**_I do not own any Marvel characters and references, p.s. My sis thought that Father Fury was a reference to Fury being a priest. Haha...no. We all know he would be a TERRIBLE priest ^_^'

**_A/N:_**_ Ok so welcome readers! Hope you enjoy my commical story! Thank you for reading! So if you are reading because of my main story Stark Difference, I have a confession to make. I am not gunna go in order. It was something that just happened, kay? Besides, I think it makes the game more fun! Rule reminder: oneshots are connected to main story, don't contain spoilers, and can be read without any knowledge of Stark Difference. And yeah, this happens when the Avengers are already gathered and they know about Tony's secret. Enjoy!_

**Father Fury**

"Hello honey."

Fury glared at a live, living, Coulson that stood before him. He was alive? He didn't die? More importantly, did he just call him 'honey'?!

"Coulson-"

Phil interupted with a monotone voice, "Fury my love, I need to leave our kids with you while I go shopping," he then smirked, "make sure they behave."

Fury crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows, "Kids?" He asked sarcastically, "Coulson I am in no mood for jokes."

The agent shrugged and headed for the door, "Phil, we are in the Helicarrier, where the heck do you get the smart idea to bring kids here and saying they're _my _kids?! Where are you going?!"

His subordinate paid him no mind as he disappeared behind the door. Not even a second later the door slammed open. Nick looked up to gripe at Coulson for his joke and attempting to destroy S.H.I.E.L.D. property, but stopped short in who stood before him. No shock really, he's seen enough weird things over the years, but still it still quite a sight to see this.

"Father!" Called out Thor's booming voice... but not as boomy. He looked about 17 or 18; his beard barely existent, but his hair was still long. He was wearing a red shirt and baggy jeans. And seriously?! Father?! There was just to much to ask.

"Ahem," he prepared himself, "Thor, what happened to you? Did Coulson tell you to call me father?"

The god chuckled, "Happened to me? What could have possible happen to me?" He looked down and checked to see if something was on him. "I am fairly certain I cleaned up after breakfast if that is what you suggest. Why would mother ask to refer to you as father? Have i not been doing so?"

Fury gave Thor a look, "Tell me. The truth." He ordered seriously. Confused, Thor opened his mouth to speak when the door opened slowly. Both men turned around to see a golden haired head peek out. Two blue eyes were all that could be seen past that. They widened at the direct contact with the other pair of eyes and the room.

"O-oh, uh... sorry...!" The door was closing, but Fury rolled his eyes and called out to him,

"Steve Rogers! Come in," The soldier opened the door and a short boy who was about 14 came in with a sketch book cradled in his hands. It was remarkable; it seemed to be Steve, and he had all the serum qualities, but he seemed a little less buff and his voice sounded higher. He wore a button up shirt tucked in some khakis.

"Hi dad," he stated and Fury glared at him, "You too? What did these bafoons do to you to convince you to say this? This whole young thing is getting really weird, someone needs to explain this to me now!"

Steve looked bewildered and hid behind his sketch pad, "I just wanted to show you some sketches I made, I have no idea what you are talking about."

Nick looked at both men-er-youngsters, closely. They showed no trace of lies. Could they really no have any idea? Did they undergo some type of accident and lost they're memories? Then how would Coulson fit in? He would never do anything like this, and if he were to brainwash Steve he highly doubted "mother" would be the choice of relationship. He heard the patter of footsteps in the hallway and suddenly a crash.

"Hahaha you are _soooo _in trouble!" He heard a young voice call. Fury made a long sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. Thor chuckled as he peeked over the glass window of the door, and Steve rolled his eyes. Fury stood and marched to the door. As he opened it he looked around for the source of the sounds. He grimaced at the sight of one of his walls dispalying a large hole in it and shook his head when he saw a random agent splayed unconscious on the ground. Two tweens-around 12 years old-stood in front of the body and stared.

"What in the world are you two doing?" Fury called out exasperatedly. The two turned around at the same time. It was Clint and Natasha; they both were wearing kid versions of their avenger uniforms. Clint gave Nick a sheepish grin and rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment and Natasha had her arms crossed with a blank face.

"He got in my way. And my business," Natasha said simply. Clint shrugged his shoulders, "I won't lie, I helped, but the whole wall thing was her." Fury believed he would form an ulcer soon. He looked at them questioningly. They were both exactly the same age and stood next to each other naturally.

"Hmmmm. Let me guess. You're twins..." he muttered. Both children saluted him at the same time, "Yup! Tween twins," Barton began, "at your disposal," finished Romanoff.

"Well you two better behave yourselves," Fury warned as he looked back and fourth between the two, "before i take upon that offer."

Both mini-agents nodded; although Clint had a bit of a smirk on and Natasha kept a face of slightly-annoyed indifference. They both ran off before he said another word. Nick shook his head and glanced back at his office. He really didn't want to go back; they both had no answers for him. There were only two men that would know what happened and they were not the type to run up to him on their own account. So to the lab he went.

The man kept composed rage mumbling curses and comments over the mess these Avengers were getting him into. He stopped in front of the lab. _They better not have turned themselves into brainwashed kids as well. Would take months or years for my agents to fix this..._

Fury opened the lab doors and groaned. Obviously, the two scientists paid no attention to him because they were always imersed in their own worlds. And obviously, the first thing he saw was a kid. Bruce. The easier to deal with out of the two, at least.

Bruce sat on a high stool next to his lab table writing on a journal and swinging his legs back and forth. Looked about 9. He would occasionally look up to the ceiling in a pensive manner. _Still acts like a nerd,_ Nick thought, _if he believes me to be his dad, maybe he can help me fix this situation more efficiently. _

Nick cleared his thoat and waited for the boy to look up. It took him a couple of thoat clearings before he grabbed his attention. The young boy looked up brightly and ran up to him.

"Dad!" He called out cheerfully before glomping him. Fury looked down at him. This certainly was not Bruce-the Bruce he knew was far more meek and reserved. But he had to play it right.

"Bruce," informality was a sign affection, right? "How good are you with age serums?"

The young boy gave him a blank look, "Age what?" He asked. Fury facepalmed.

"Bruce, do you know anything on gamma radiation?" Yep, he was done.

"Uhhhhh... a type of electromagnetic radiation of a fairly short wavelength emitted by any source, typically by something such as atomic nuclei... the wavelength... ummm...it has a wavelength that has a range of 1 x 10^-10 to 2 x 10^-13 metres. Is there anything specific you wanted to ask? About the concept?"

"No," Nick answered carefully. Before he said anything else he reached to peel his "son" off of his waist, but Bruce snuggle against him before he could.

"Dad, you would never use me, right?" He asked. Nick, surprisingly, was caught off guard.

"No." He stated. He then remembered that Dr. Banner's past with his father had not been a pretty one. He stared into the eyes of the nine-year old before him. He suddenly felt something he hadn't felt in years... guilt.

"That's great," Bruce whispered, "you're a great dad. You're so nice to mommy too."

Fury stared at the curly tuff of hair under him, "Thanks," he stated stiffly. He awkwardly patted the boy's head.

"Dad! Daddy dad dad dad!"

Bruce let go of his father and allowed him to follow the source of the sound. The voice was very high pitched and had a barely noticeable lisp. Like a kindergardener's voice. A little boy with crazy hair and extra-large blue eyes came in running from another room in the laboratory. He carried a large metal box with him that was about the same size as the tesseract.

"Dad i made something!" The boy had a gray muscle shirt on and black shorts. Grease stains covered his face and his teeth (missing a front tooth) and blue eyes were the brightest on his face.

"I wanna name him JARVIS! I programed him!" Nick looked at the boy, and then at the box. He crouched down and then spoke, "Jarvis?"

"Yes master," the metal structure stated. There was static in the background, but overall it sounded like Tony's electronic butler. _Weird_, Nick noticed, _why doesn't Tony have Jarvis call him 'master'? _He then looked at Tony's excited eyes; it was so strange to see the master of dry humor and smoked mirrors of emotions display such an 'honest John' personality. Then he was reminded of Bruce. _Oh great, _he thought, _of all people I had to get the ones that had 'daddy issues'. Whyyyy._

"Hey, hey, hey," called the seven year old; the one thing that stuck with him was his love for attention, "so what do you think?"

The 'father' went back to Avenger mode, "what does it do and how will it helps us?" He then realized immediately after that he was dealing with practically a toddler. However, the boy did not look confused, rather, he looked even more excited, as though he WANTED Fury to ask that.

"Well Jarvis can make complex cal-cu-lations," the boy slowed down to pronounce any big words because of his missing tooth, but there was also the fact that he was not old enough to have technically learned the terms, "he can also charge car batteries. Like BIG car batteries and BIG planes. And, and, and once you plug him in, you can look at the glass here-" his tiny hands struggled to reach the screen at the front of the machinery, "-and it will tell you all the spec-spe-ci-fi-ca-tions of any machines."

For your average Tony Stark, this was probably 6th grade math. For a little kid, Fury couldn't deny that he was, well, a bit impressed. He wondered if all the the avengers had this much potential building up when they were younger. Probably not, but maybe something close to it. He snapped out of his muse as he saw young Tony fidgeting. Whoops, forgot to respond.

"Its impressive, ahem, _son,_" he forced out. Suddenly he heard whining and complaints behind him.

"Father, you denied me the moment to speak, yet to young Tony you reserve all the affection? I never had the opportunity to grace you with my accomplishments!"

Of course the teenage thunderous voice had to be the one that stood from the rest, Steve's voice followed immediately after, "Dad, do you think I could show you my sketches? You sort of left after I asked you."

Clint pointed at Thor and Steve, "you guys are attention seekers!" Natasha took a fighting stance, "stop pestering father or you will regret it." The older two towered over the twins.

Little Bruce ran in front of Nick and spread his arms out in a feeble attempt to protect him, "Daddy didn't do anything wrong! He's a nice guy. He's the good guy! We need to stop fighting and be a family!"

Tony crossed his arms and smirked, "Ha! Thats cuz I create useful mer-chan-dise! He finds me useful and I'm not a burden!"

Thor shoved past Clint and walked to the overly-confident toddler, "Do you mean to say I am a burden?" He questioned darkly.

Fury saw the bickering children and for the first time ever, didn't know what to do to get them to stop. Yelling would call upon all sorts of unpredictable reactions from the older ones and unsettle the younger ones, being cold and stern would possibly align he the twins and older ones, but he wondered about the reaction of the little ones... great, he was stuck.

"Whats going on?"

All the children stopped arguing and turned to the figure at the entrance of the lab. Coulson had grocery bags filled with food in them. _We are in. The friggin. Helicarrier. _Nick though to himself, _Did the man parachute down and jetpack himself back up?! _He wondered why he should even try to make sense of it.

All the kids settled down, "Nothing," they said in unison. Nick raised his brows. Did Coulson carry some sort of hero controlling device on him? Coulson sighed.

"You need to be more affectionate with our children, sweety," he said as all the Avengers gathered around him.

"Coulson, can you come this me for a second, I need to have a moment with you,_alone._"

Clint began to snicker and Natasha kicked him.

"Okay, " Coulson began as they both left the room and shut the door, "what is it?" Fury crossed his arms,

"What proof can you give me that they are my children? And that we're married? Because that is the only concept I can think of if you are mommy and I am daddy."

Coulson pulled out a file with paper work in it, "this is our proof of marriage and you have the birth certificates in the drawer of your office. "

Fury read through the offical document. Yep, they were married. "How the heck did this happen?" He looked at the door then glared back at Coulson before stating,

"...It better have been adoption."

"I'm sorry sir, but what are you talking about?"

Fury opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was a picture of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s logo framed up on the wall. He turned around slowly after blinking a few times and faced agent Hill. He was in is office. He waited a few seconds before asking,

"And agent Coulson?"

Agent Hill smiled softly, "still dead, sir," she said sadly. Nick nodded, "What did you need?" He asked.

"Just here to give you these files. Also, the Avengers are finally gathered in the meeting room," she stated, serious once again. Fury reached out and took them from his agent and she left. The leather suited man opened the documents and scanned through them, he signed some pages and then stood up. The door opened and one of his agents came in exasperated, "the Avengers have broken into a fight, sir, what would you like for us to do?"

Fury sighed, _just like children, _he thought, "Nothing. I'll handle it personally," he answered. The agent nodded and headed out the door. _Besides, _he thought, _no one in this organization knows them as well as I do._

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**_A/N:_**_ Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed a lighter fanfiction with a little more happiness, although it was a bit wistful on Fury's end at the finish. _

_For Stark Difference Readers: this is gunna be posted later, because I haven't posted the chapter in which this reference is made, so I will update this oneshot once I do! :)_


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